There's Nothing Easy about Being Me

You have those who congratulate you on a job well done.  Others will say nothing while wishing you fall flat on your face.  From disrespectful comments to eye-rolls, some of my writings and topics I speak about offend.  Truth doesn't win me life-long friends--never did, never will.  I think of the Bible, when Jesus said, "They will hate you because of me..."  He was so right!

"Keep your mouth closed...don't say anything...just smile..." I grew up around people who never wanted anything said about anything truthfully speaking.  If you got a little courage about yourself and let loose with your tongue, there was always the threat of violence looming.  If you didn't want to reap the consequences, you just might turn and walk away, but not before experiencing "payback."  In my 'hood, payback was nothing more than revenge.  Sooner or later someone was going to pay you back for speaking truth.   Protest your parents' unfairness, payback.  Speak up about a shady friend in the camp, payback.  Tell what a relative was really doing when no one was looking, payback.  So you walked on eggshells wondering when the day would come that you would be confronted on what you said.  What a life for a child, right? 

Looking back, so-called "private" folks, who liked to stay out of people's business (yet always in it), weren't liked very much.  Those that typically didn't mind talking about themselves, would withdraw when the "private" folks came around certain loved ones in my family.  "Don't tell her anything," I was told.  "Because she doesn't share any information about her self or family."  Therefore, as a child, I would have to limit my conversations, carefully pay attention to every word, select certain things to say and not while speaking to adults.  Sometimes one couldn't always remember the rules in the playbook, so there was a price to pay if you didn't keep someone's lie or cover-up straight.

Thank God, I'm not a child anymore!  Having been exposed to all sorts of personality disorders dressed up with so-called normalcy growing up, I have learned quite a bit from the impostors--probably too much.  It is difficult at times walking around in my body, seeing what I see in people, sometimes I can see through people, right down to the foolishness in a person's story, notice their odd expressions/mannerisms, or experience their negative vibe--sometimes all at once.  It can be difficult to be content with some loved ones when you know the truth behind their fake smiles with others while pointing the finger at you as if you are so wrong, weird, crazy, etc.  I get this sort of attitude quite often from sexist males who feel threatened by a spiritual woman.

When you are a person that has been challenged much in life, it isn't always easy connecting with people in the way that you had hoped.  Sure, you pray for the best in your relationships and partnerships, but sometimes even God warns, "No matter what you say, what you think you know, you don't know about XYZ person.  Watch while I work."  God never tells me, "I told you so..."  Rather, I usually find one of his life tests soon after on what I learned or didn't learn about people. 

You can hear many revelations of my spiritual journey and advice on YouTube, listen here.

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire